Who are you? What defines you?

Does the personality make the person or is it their actions?

Are we what we do? Are we what we think? Or even, are we what we feel?

Let’s start with how you think of yourself, or at least, how you describe yourself. How do you introduce yourself to others?

Many of us are defined by our environments; “I’m a married mother of two”, “I’m a lawyer”, or “I’m from France”. Okay, so you’re married with two children. So are millions of other people. Oh, you’re a lawyer, so’s everyone else (at least it seems like it). There are sixty-five million French nationals. Tell me what it is that makes you you? What sets you apart?

Does anyone ever introduce themselves with “I’m unique”?

Why not? You are unique. Just like everyone else!

I’m unique may not contain much useful information, so how do you introduce yourself? What do you choose to say? Are you trying to impress by selecting highlights to share? Why not impress yourself by being happy with every aspect of your life?

What is the environment you inhabit? Did you choose it? Have you ever given it a second (make that “first”) thought?

Our symbiotic relationship with society penetrates deep into our thoughts, emotions and behaviours.

We are born highly dependent creatures. Our early years are spent learning. But what is it that we learn? How to read? How to write? The difference between right and wrong?

We learn about the environment in which we live, we absorb the philosophies of society. We assimilate their culture, their values and belief systems, their expectations and compromises. We try to wear them as our own, like hand-me-down clothes.

But what if it doesn’t fit?

Then we grow up. We become a responsible adult. We decide to work… Do we “decide” or are we so hypnotised with conformity we acquiesce without question?

So where do we work? What do we choose to do with the majority of our waking life? We choose somewhere near our homes, because it is convenient. We choose to do something we’ve been told we’re good at, or just
anything that’s available at the time.

Then we fly the nest. We move out from our parental abode, we’re free. We choose somewhere new to live. A choice limited by what we think we can “afford” and it’s physical proximity to our work.

Many people then “fall in love”, or take steps to solidify relationships. “Falling” being the appropriate word to describe actions, uncontrolled, subject to the fickle whim of our biological circuitry. They choose the most suitable mate from a limited social circle, again restricted by geography, occupation, and sometimes even class.

Suddenly you find yourself working a job you don’t like simply because it was convenient. You live in a house for the sole reason it’s close to you work (which you’d rather no go to). You’re love life is okay, but you can’t help but feel you could do better, if only you could meet more people. Convenient and comfortable sums up your life.

Are you happy with that? Does one-size really fit all?

If this isn’t you, if you are not living a “life by default” then consider yourself very lucky. You have reason to be thankful. If you work a job you enjoy, live in your dream home, or really know the meaning of true love, you have no reason to be unhappy. Withdraw permission for yourself to feel that way.

But, unfortunately this description fits too many of us. The accepted way of life is:

1. Get educated
2. Get a job
3. Get a home
4. Get married
5. Get children
6. Get happy

Does it really have to be in that order?

So what is the alternative?

Why not live the life of your dreams? Why not a life filled with passion, adventure and excitement. A life of blissful content.

A one-size-fits-all life doesn’t fit us all. Some are happy to be the right shape and some try make do, but the more unique you are, the more different, the more you need a life tailored to suit you.

Why not design your own life and have it made to measure?

What is your dream home? Would you like your ideal job, or to retire early? Who is your perfect partner?

Why not?

It is a simple paradigm shift to empower choice: Take responsibility. Take control.

This is your life. As far as we can tell it’s your only one. Why not live it as you want?

I can only think of three reasons why you aren’t living the life you want:
You don’t realise it’s possible – it is.
You don’t know how to – then learn.
You are compromising for something else – why compromise at all?

Some people are not supposed to wear a uniform.

You need to find a tailor.

Hi there, it’s been a while… How are you?

Feeling happy?

If not, why not?

I’ve been delighted by the numerous responses to my “how are you” post, but a lot less delighted that the majority of them say “I’m not happy, I don’t know how to be happy and I don’t believe I can just choose to be happy in the first place!”

Pardon? Excuse me?   WHAT?

People used to believe we couldn’t fly to the moon (some still don’t), harness the power of elastic-trickery, or find any use at all for that glue that didn’t stick.

Most people do not believe they can control their emotions because it has never occurred to them to do it.

What a crazy idea! It’s like being ten thousand feet high in the cockpit of a stunt plane and not knowing how to fly!

People who do not control their emotions are adrift. Victims of the tides and currents of life.  Do you want to be a victim?  No?

Then take control.  But how?

Strangely, happiness is not a subject often taught in schools.  For most it’s not even something your parents show you.

You learn to fly watching people who’ve never left the ground.  And what if you do find a master pilot, one who swoops and soars, performing awesome acrobatics and majestic gliding?  You try to copy but it’s difficult to understand their actions from the floor, especially as you’re usually flying a different type of plane!  Different engine, different shape, different weight, different controls… Do you want to perform stunts or just gently glide? And are some aircraft better suited to staying on the ground?

Most people just sit back and try to enjoy the ride.  Only occasionally wiggling the controls out of panic when they feel they’re about to crash.

They blame the plane.  If only it flew better.  If only it went faster.  If only they could climb out of the valleys they wouldn’t have to keep avoiding these cliffs!

A better plane, that’s the answer.  A more skilful co-pilot.  (Perhaps a sexier co-pilot?)

A skilled pilot could fly on an anvil.  Or at least fall with style.

Stop externalising your problems.  I’ll type that again:

Stop externalising YOUR problems.

Take control.  Take charge.  Fly the plane, no matter how rusty and damaged it may be.

Money is not the answer.  Most rich people are not happy, they have to spend too much time protecting their wealth.  That’s too heavy a burden for any but the most skilled pilot to lift off the ground.  How would you like to be suspicious of your friends? To be constantly chased and harassed by incessant paparazzi?

“Not me,” I hear you think, “It’ll be different for me”.

Really?

You’re just fooling yourself, your subconscious mind is trying to make you feel better.  It’s making an excuse for why you don’t feel happy now.  It’s not your fault, you don’t have the money, your plane only has one engine and it’s running out of fuel.  You just lack the tools, you poor workman.

So how much money would it take for you to be blissfully happy? I mean totally contented, ecstatically pleased, joyful for the rest of your life?

One million dollars? Ten million? A hundred million?

Let’s make it a billion. $1,000,000,000.   That’s a lot of zeros.

And let’s give you the chance to win it. The chance to win one billion dollars. Then you’ll be happy for the rest of your days, blissfully contented.  Won’t you?

But let’s not decide it by chance, your happiness is not decided by the flip of a coin or a random dice roll. Happiness is a game of skill. Your skill.

So, let’s play a tennis match. One billion dollars riding on a tennis match. The greatest financial reward of your life decided by hitting a ball over a net.

Shall we play the match today or would you like some time to prepare? How about 3 months time? Are you going to spend those three months improving your tennis skills? Are you going to pay for lessons? To invest your time mastering the sport? You bet. Of course you would, this is $1,000,000,000 we’re talking about!

So why aren’t you investing in something worth more than a billion dollars? We already know money can’t make you happy, but you can.

Why not invest your time in learning how to work this fabulous device called “the mind”? Why not master it, so when you play your imaginary tennis match you’re certian to win?  (At least now you realise there’s a match going on and you’re expected to play!)

But perhaps you’re too busy, you need some motivation, some urgency to learn?

The happy match isn’t coming in three months time. The fight to be happy is today, tomorrow and every day. You’ll have to keep battling, you’ll have to stay fit, you’ll have to keep improving you skills, You never know what opponent is coming next!

Shall we cheat? Shall we master the game?  Would you like to learn to fly?

The opportunity to be happy is there for the taking. Once you know where to look you just have to reach out and grab it.

So take it.

Now.

How often do you hear someone ask that question?

How often are they really asking that question?

“How are you” is a great everyday example of the subtleties of communication that we usually take for granted, but can be so powerful when understood.  When someone asks “how are you” they rarely intend the meaning implied by the words.

It’s a polite greeting, a verbal handshake.  It is not an opportunity for you to launch into a five hour soliloquy detailing the current status of your life, your friendships, your health, your emotional frailties and your Auntie Sally’s new pet tortoise!  Let’s be honest, when you speak these words, you ain’t asking and you don’t really want to know!

But how do you respond?  Usually with a “fine”, a “not too bad” or a “can’t complain”?  These indoctrinated, unimaginative, ordinary responses communicate in their own way…

The inherent negativity in those phrases is all too apparent for someone who really listens (which is another thing most people don’t do – perhaps the subject of a future blog?).  It says you are a casualty, a pessimist, a victim who has no control over their own life.  Are you a victim?  Do you want to be?

I want my life to be magic.  I believe in magic.  The power of words is understated.  Next time you’re asked “how are you” try replying with “fantastic”, “awesome” or “more powerful than you could ever imagine”…

How does that feel?  Does it have an effect on your emotional being?  Most likely it feels incongruent, because you aren’t feeling awesome, fantastic and powerful.  And why not?

Now, whenever you are asked how you are, instead of responding automatically, take a second and ask yourself.  Be honest.  Feel it.  How is your self?  Actually perform a diagnostic.  Take the opportunity to maintain your quality of life. Don’t accept anything less than amazing, you owe yourself that!

If you aren’t feeling fantastic, perhaps you should spend some time working out why not, and what you can do about it?

But not right now, you’re in the middle of a conversation, be polite!

The tide retreats
Revealing an empty beach
Granular, yet uniform
The time has come
Your turn begun
A blank canvas to adorn

The blazing sun may blind you
And the sand will burn your feet
But the darkness is behind you
You will not permit retreat

Hurried and instable
Try as best you’re able
To construct your life’s design
For every step
Proficient or inept
Leaves a obvious visible sign

Your footfalls create an impression
For those who choose to view
An unconscious confession
Every action reveals more of you

As you leave the mark
That inscribes your art
The assessor keeps the scores
A pattern that impressed
May be labelled a success
But the only opinion that matters is yours

Does one create to boost their pride
A desire to be remembered?
Or do you just enjoy your stride
The need for reward surrendered?

Personally I wander
Dancing with wonder
Enjoying sand beneath my toes
If you want
To share the jaunt
The journey I’ll disclose

For pride is too brief to deserve a wish
Whether branded genius or gibberish
Whatever you make while forging your way
The inevitable tide will wash it away…

But if you know
And you care to show
An exciting expedition you construed
Many will follow
Today and tomorrow
Those footprints will be renewed

Those who follow you may never meet
Nor will you receive any form of reward
But marking a route to guide tired feet
Is something I love to applaud

So hurry up, get going, you’ve got a lot to do!
Walk your path, create your life before the wave comes crashing through…

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around
once in a while, you could miss it.” – Ferris Bueller

Why study Philosophy?  Because you want to!

We should really clarify the question by first asking what we mean by “Philosophy”.  The definition of Philosophy is… something you can decide for yourself.  Look it up (or make it up) if you like.  It’s usually something to do with thought, theories, logic, wisdom, etc…

By their very nature definitions are academic.  I find it amusing how “academic” has become slang for “pointless”.  Most people think of the study of philosophy as investigating who said what, when, in what language, and what colour shoes they were wearing at the time?

A fact is nothing but a common consensus.  Does it matter if the telephone was invented by Alexander Graham Bell or Antonio Meucci?  Neither of them answers my calls!

The same is true of philosophy.  Theories, concepts and ideas are judged on whether or not they are useful to me.  How does the idea of Plato’s cave impact my life?  Can it make me happier, more resilient and wiser?  What if the idea was stolen from Socrates?  Would this change the implications?  Would spending many fruitless years investigating its origins affect my life?

“This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time”
– The Fight Club Narrator

The problem with philosophy is that many people do not consider it useful.  What is the benefit to mankind?  Maths is useful, as is the study of medicine.  People will study business because they desire money, but few consider why they desire it or what they’ll do with it should they ever acquire any!

Will having money make you happy?  Evidence of many lotto winners, actors and musicians who turned to drugs and suicide suggest not.  You say you’ll be different, but how do you know?  How do you know anything?

Now we’re getting more philosophical!  The study of philosophy is widely regarded as being the fruitless searching for answers to questions that cannot be answered.  You know, the big questions, grand subjects – Life, the Universe and Everything…

Perhaps we need to own 42 hats?  Is that philosophy or fashion?  Again, we have a problem with the categorisation of subjects.  There is far too much information for our short lifetime.  The internet alone is proof of that!

To experience the universe in manner that makes sense (and to find our way around libraries) we must categorise knowledge, questions, opinions…  Is this philosophy, science, business or poetry?  Fact or fiction?

Many subjects, once regarded as philosophy are now classified under different subjects.  Astronomy, Physics, Chemistry, Psychology, Management, Alternative Therapies, Economics, NLP – once the subject becomes considered useful it is no longer classified philosophy!  Does this mean philosophy is not useful? Certainly not! It is the cutting edge of knowledge and investigation, what incredible new subjects will emerge from the minds of modern philosophers?

All these fantastic subjects yet philosophy is still the one ring to rule them all.  It surrounds us, and penetrates us… It binds the galaxy together…  Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.

Philosophy forms the foundations of all enquiry and knowledge.  How can we know anything?  What is knowledge?  Why do we think?  What can we be sure of?  What could we be missing out on?

To study Philosophy is to think.  To peel back the layers of our lives.  To question.  What do we want?  How can we get it?  Why do we want it in the first place?  What makes us happy?  What makes us sad?  How can I get more out of life?

Philosophy is the exploration of existence!

Why did these great explorers wander the earth?  What was the purpose of the voyage to the moon?  Because by studying your limitations, you learn about yourself.  When a scientist conducts an experiment they discover new information about both the universe and the equipment.  Do you want to learn about your universe and your self?

What use is understanding people?  Could it make a difference to your career or your business?  How about dating and relationships?  Could understanding your world make a difference in your life, your wealth and your happiness?

What if you knew exactly how to achieve happiness?  If you had the means to achieve contentment or excitement quickly and simply, whenever you want, simply by taking a pill or thinking the right thoughts?  Would that be valuable?

Have you ever wondered how you know what you know?  Why you believe what you believe?  Which thoughts are your own and which have been programmed into you?  Is it all just bricks in the wall?  Can you free yourself from those indoctrinated beliefs?

Could you learn to master your emotions?  To learn why disharmony occurs and how to prevent it, to build a fortress for your happiness? To understand and master creativity?  To remove the limits of your imagination?  To learn how to stop thinking without falling asleep?

Could you improve your productivity?  Become more efficient?  Achieve anything you aspire to?  If you can fill the unforgiving minute, with sixty seconds worth of distance run, yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it!

Would you like to take a journey, explore a little?  To discover what is really inside you.  What you are truly capable of.  Perhaps you are destined for greatness!  I think so.  I really do.  You must be interested you wouldn’t be reading this…

Let’s take a few steps together.  Discover how our minds work and how we can control them.  There is an old cliché:  Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance.  To succeed in any venture you must give it some thought.

Have you given any thought to your life?

Do you want to?