How often do you hear someone ask that question?

How often are they really asking that question?

“How are you” is a great everyday example of the subtleties of communication that we usually take for granted, but can be so powerful when understood.  When someone asks “how are you” they rarely intend the meaning implied by the words.

It’s a polite greeting, a verbal handshake.  It is not an opportunity for you to launch into a five hour soliloquy detailing the current status of your life, your friendships, your health, your emotional frailties and your Auntie Sally’s new pet tortoise!  Let’s be honest, when you speak these words, you ain’t asking and you don’t really want to know!

But how do you respond?  Usually with a “fine”, a “not too bad” or a “can’t complain”?  These indoctrinated, unimaginative, ordinary responses communicate in their own way…

The inherent negativity in those phrases is all too apparent for someone who really listens (which is another thing most people don’t do – perhaps the subject of a future blog?).  It says you are a casualty, a pessimist, a victim who has no control over their own life.  Are you a victim?  Do you want to be?

I want my life to be magic.  I believe in magic.  The power of words is understated.  Next time you’re asked “how are you” try replying with “fantastic”, “awesome” or “more powerful than you could ever imagine”…

How does that feel?  Does it have an effect on your emotional being?  Most likely it feels incongruent, because you aren’t feeling awesome, fantastic and powerful.  And why not?

Now, whenever you are asked how you are, instead of responding automatically, take a second and ask yourself.  Be honest.  Feel it.  How is your self?  Actually perform a diagnostic.  Take the opportunity to maintain your quality of life. Don’t accept anything less than amazing, you owe yourself that!

If you aren’t feeling fantastic, perhaps you should spend some time working out why not, and what you can do about it?

But not right now, you’re in the middle of a conversation, be polite!