Who are you? What defines you?
Does the personality make the person or is it their actions?
Are we what we do? Are we what we think? Or even, are we what we feel?
Let’s start with how you think of yourself, or at least, how you describe yourself. How do you introduce yourself to others?
Many of us are defined by our environments; “I’m a married mother of two”, “I’m a lawyer”, or “I’m from France”. Okay, so you’re married with two children. So are millions of other people. Oh, you’re a lawyer, so’s everyone else (at least it seems like it). There are sixty-five million French nationals. Tell me what it is that makes you you? What sets you apart?
Does anyone ever introduce themselves with “I’m unique”?
Why not? You are unique. Just like everyone else!
I’m unique may not contain much useful information, so how do you introduce yourself? What do you choose to say? Are you trying to impress by selecting highlights to share? Why not impress yourself by being happy with every aspect of your life?
What is the environment you inhabit? Did you choose it? Have you ever given it a second (make that “first”) thought?
Our symbiotic relationship with society penetrates deep into our thoughts, emotions and behaviours.
We are born highly dependent creatures. Our early years are spent learning. But what is it that we learn? How to read? How to write? The difference between right and wrong?
We learn about the environment in which we live, we absorb the philosophies of society. We assimilate their culture, their values and belief systems, their expectations and compromises. We try to wear them as our own, like hand-me-down clothes.
But what if it doesn’t fit?
Then we grow up. We become a responsible adult. We decide to work… Do we “decide” or are we so hypnotised with conformity we acquiesce without question?
So where do we work? What do we choose to do with the majority of our waking life? We choose somewhere near our homes, because it is convenient. We choose to do something we’ve been told we’re good at, or just
anything that’s available at the time.
Then we fly the nest. We move out from our parental abode, we’re free. We choose somewhere new to live. A choice limited by what we think we can “afford” and it’s physical proximity to our work.
Many people then “fall in love”, or take steps to solidify relationships. “Falling” being the appropriate word to describe actions, uncontrolled, subject to the fickle whim of our biological circuitry. They choose the most suitable mate from a limited social circle, again restricted by geography, occupation, and sometimes even class.
Suddenly you find yourself working a job you don’t like simply because it was convenient. You live in a house for the sole reason it’s close to you work (which you’d rather no go to). You’re love life is okay, but you can’t help but feel you could do better, if only you could meet more people. Convenient and comfortable sums up your life.
Are you happy with that? Does one-size really fit all?
If this isn’t you, if you are not living a “life by default” then consider yourself very lucky. You have reason to be thankful. If you work a job you enjoy, live in your dream home, or really know the meaning of true love, you have no reason to be unhappy. Withdraw permission for yourself to feel that way.
But, unfortunately this description fits too many of us. The accepted way of life is:
- Get educated
- Get a job
- Get a home
- Get married
- Get children
- Get happy
Does it really have to be in that order?
So what is the alternative?
Why not live the life of your dreams? Why not a life filled with passion, adventure and excitement. A life of blissful content.
A one-size-fits-all life doesn’t fit us all. Some are happy to be the right shape and some try make do, but the more unique you are, the more different, the more you need a life tailored to suit you.
Why not design your own life and have it made to measure?
What is your dream home? Would you like your ideal job, or to retire early? Who is your perfect partner?
Why not?
It is a simple paradigm shift to empower choice: Take responsibility. Take control.
This is your life. As far as we can tell it’s your only one. Why not live it as you want?
I can only think of three reasons why you aren’t living the life you want:
You don’t realise it’s possible – it is.
You don’t know how to – then learn.
You are compromising for something else – why compromise at all?
Some people are not supposed to wear a uniform.
You need to find a tailor.
Hi Adam,
Thanks for your email and link to this great entry…I find it very TRUE that “Some people are not supposed to wear a uniform.”
It’s funny but this post is one that I have been feeling a lot of lately…WHO AM I? WHAT DO I WANT or rather WHAT DO I “THINK” I NEED. Somewhere along the line of the life process many of us tend to lose ourselves and can’t pinpoint how that actually happened.
I know that I am not one who is here to impress others…I need to make myself “just do it” many times. Instead that thought comes and quickly passes for I justify why I can’t or won’t at that particular time. We are all UNIQUE we are all WORTH more than we can possibly imagine. Fine tuning I guess you could call it…a step at a time, little by little ~ find out what that UNIQUE is. I wrote this not too long ago: I am who I am and do what I will (sometimes) – I have a some baggage and need to work on “me” somewhat. I know that’s not the typical “about me” but that’s why I am me a little ♥ UNIQUE ♥ ~ IMA
So I do see that there is HOPE that I will find out more about me, and more about others in general through this search.
People like you, who write these blogs are so important to ones like me…ones who feel alone in this, almost like when a drug addict thinks they are the only ones who feel or living that way. When we embrace the reality that we DON’T know it all, or have it together (like others think we should) ~ we need to open our eyes and appreciate ALL that we are already, how each of us is different in some way ~ once we do that…the FIND will be a success!
With much respect and appreciation ~
Inga Andujar
Well said. Growing up in the French Quarter, I got my first taste of rebellion in the late 70′s by refusing to have babies and refusing lower wages. I moved to California. Just drove away and tripled my income. Second taste was leaving a very high income working in the corporate structure. Change is consistently important. It dismisses fear and anxiety. The upside to a low economy is, it disintegrates false identities, sometimes with difficulty. It’s a perception. Whenever I am asked what I do (for a living), I reply “before or after midnight”…
I like this, Adam. What I find interesting is the way in which we develop our sense of self – whether or not we try to fit ourselves into the ‘one size fits all’ mould. My own idea – having read aroung the Philosophy of Mind and also Buddhist ideas – is that we are constantly changing and producing a kind of personal map that we superimpose upon our world. As we grow, so does our map – like having new layers superimposed over the old ones. So there are always new layers, even if the old one’s remain to influence us (perhaps unconsciously). I wrote about this in a book called ‘Me’ (further information about that on my website – http://www.philosophyandethics.com). I’m pleased to be able to follow whatever else you write.